A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
