Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my being single is dangerous.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
