The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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