worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
