i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
