She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
