So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
