Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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