I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He passed out mid-signature
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
