I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
