The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so let's talk penis.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
