My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize