Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
