Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
