i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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