I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sorry about my life...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
