I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
third nipple confirmed
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
