No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
