I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
