My brain says no but my pants say off.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
