you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
