So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think my moral compass just broke
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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