My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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