im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She even gives head with a lisp.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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