I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
