I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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