so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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