I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize