Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
