Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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