He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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