Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Let's get the cat blown out
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
