I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
