Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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