Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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