This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
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I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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