My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How's work?
Spinning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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