Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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