My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
