my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
