I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
