i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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