Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
