Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
