What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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