i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
