Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
