if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
