he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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