what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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