Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
