I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
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Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
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You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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