I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
