Moan for me like Helen Keller
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
