i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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