I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
