1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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