u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Randomize
