My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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