she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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