New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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