i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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