You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I party with great urgency now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
