Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
