just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
