Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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