I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
