You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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