I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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